Following the culture in Pakistan, Girls are well prepared before marriage regarding their attitude towards their husband and in-laws. Mostly, girls after marriage do lead a dependent life, not just financially but also in making decisions. To some this dependence means staying away from social responsibilities and leaving them focusing on their homes, keeping them relaxed from social worries. For others working outside of home and performing household duties side by side feels more preferable. Another portion of society that unfortunately remains quite dominant too is the one demanding total subjugation. If you are a broad-minded person, or parent, you can avoid that group by doing proper investigation about the boy and his family. For example, if you have consulted an rishta online source they can assist inquiry that you will hesitate doing yourself.
Here are some suggestions for girls who are looking for a partner or who are brides to be, that can be helpful before they start their new life. While some of those will work as a goodwill gesture in showing that she owns the new family with open arms as her own, at the same time there are steps she can take, though very subtly, that will guard her dignified personality too. Therefore, I call them give and take on girl’s part as no relationship can stay healthy by being nurtured only one sided.
The underlying points might not be a responsibility but can be helpful for building up good relations. Some people are worth that you go out of the way for them. Spouses are one of those people for each other. Here’s what you can do to make the bond even stronger.
• Be welcoming
A good-natured person is not only liked by the society but also holds a high profile in the religion of Islam. It is not bad to be hospitable to your in-laws and greet them with an open heart and a smile. On a lighter note, this can prove another way to your husband’s heart other than that of the stomach one.
• Think positive
As you are working hard to get yourself settled try to think positive. Living with family can take more effort in adjusting than living alone. There may be some more sacrifices to make especially in case of time division. As your husband struggles to create a balance you can help him by being a supportive partner in making up a bond with the family.
Patience is a key to success. In every relation we need to be patient which is true even in our lives before marriage. It is true that it takes time to adjust to a new atmosphere and reserve a special place in your heart for people alien to you but be patient when you find it difficult. This is something that makes its way through time if an effort is being made on both sides though.
Unless you are married to a particular section of society that gives a second class to wives, you still have an option of changing people’s attitudes from a traditional mindset or at least make them respect you the way you are.
• Draw Boundaries
There are people who sometimes can ignore your boundaries but only do as they have seen others doing it, meaning something practiced in the culture. While team work in any task with mutual consent is good but persons choler cannot be ordered to you. You can well explain your boundaries in a polite way which you find suitable and do explain your point well.
• Know your rights
Respect for in-laws and husband’s rights are something the girls observe from quite an early age. While both things are rightfully taught it doesn’t mean that you don’t come under the category of both. And others in the family are obliged to give you these in the same way they expect it from you.
• Time out
While you have started this new phase of your life you might feel exhausted. Being good doesn’t mean that you are on a 24/7 job. You need to busy yourself in something that relaxes you, refreshen you. You can choose your way and find your corner to meditate as some literary people would do. While some others would want nature to rescue them.
Shine on me, Sunshine
Rain on me, Rain
Fall softly, dewdrops
And cool my brow again