A healthy healthy companionship after marriage or relationship between a husband and wife is not only important for themselves but also has a bigger perspective. It also helps to create a positive nation. With an institution of such importance, it becomes quite significant that both the parties understand the sensitivity of its stability. As well as strive to make it exemplary for the coming generation.
Our religion also not only advocates a healthy relation between husband and wife but also shows how to build it. Allah says in the Quran: “They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.” This verse from the Quran describes the ideal husband-and-wife relationship. As the garment covers and protects the body so does a husband and a wife should be protecting each other. They should guard each other’s secrets and protect each other’s status and be each other’s best support through thick and thin.
Guidelines For a Healthy Companionship After Marriage:
What makes you two such a good match? Alternatively, how do you keep up a healthy Companionship After Marriage? Knowing one another and resisting the urge to change one another could be the first steps. Long-lasting, loving relationships don’t just happen. They develop from a rich diet of acceptance, dedication, ritual, and empathetic behavior.
For better understanding of this relationship not only for spouses but also for people looking out to marry, following points can prove helpful.
1- Set Realistic Expectations:
Recognize your current selves and your spouse. It’s normal to wish that the “honeymoon phase” would never end. It doesn’t, though. As your lives become more complicated, you and your spouse will change along with the relationship over time. The evolution of relationships is something you must accept. In that case, the start of your married life after the honeymoon will not leave you feeling let down.
2- Become Close Pals:
Simply loving your spouse is insufficient. In addition, it’s never too late to develop healthy companionship after marriage and become true companions. Long-term happiness in relationships requires couples to genuinely enjoy one another. They must be friends and lovers at the same time. Mutual empathy and shared values are the foundations of friendship. Take more time to enjoy yourself. Engage in a joint venture that appeals to both of you, such as volunteering, gardening, or home improvement. Or you and your child could take up a new activity like working out, jogging, or coaching.
Every relationship communication is a key component. Similar to this, if you plan to marry, you need to be aware that it takes time to get to know a partner who has lived their entire life in a setting that is very different from your own. Therefore, both the parties should always give time to understand each other and don’t forget to communicate.
Issues arise but the problem comes when they are not addressed properly. While staying quiet at petty matters may be a better idea but indulging into outright long silences can complicate things even more. The solution comes when one keeps communicating with each other in the best possible way.
In this context, husband and wife should also not opt for living far away from each other unless unavoidable. Distances bring up misunderstandings and family can play a role in making things easier for the couple to stay together for a healthy relationship. But keep in mind that a loving relationship requires constant care and attention from both partners, not just family members, in order to create healthy companionship after marriage.
William Blake’s, “A Poison Tree” conveys a beautiful message. Although the full poem is worth a read, I would here quote the starting stanza that too explains a lot in this context;
I was angry with my friend; I told my wrath; my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe; I told it not; my wrath did grow.
4- Family’s Welcoming Attitude:
In Pakistani rishta system it is said that a girl is married to a whole family rather than only to one person. This brings in a lot of responsibility for someone who had not even fully taken her own self’s responsibility while at her parent’s home. Sometimes, in all the glamour that is involved in marriages in our tradition the responsibilities coming ahead are overlooked, especially on girls’ part.
A little cooperation and understanding on the husband’s side can not only build up the morale of the newcomer but also be helpful for her to better understand the family. Family shall also play a positive role in letting the new comer settle down. Warm family attitude also helps a lot especially at the time she misses hers the most.
According to research, women spend more time than men doing housework. It can feel like working women are doing two jobs at once. The place they leave for and return to each day. A mountain of irritation is frequently the outcome. Both partners must put in work to keep the household running. Women may need to stop criticizing their partners for performing chores in the wrong way. As well as, men may need to take on a bigger role. To reduce the factors of boredom and tediousness, try rotating your chores.
Since working together will not only help both spouses build a strong and healthy companionship after marriage, but it will also keep their spirits up.
6- Third Person Involvement:
Third person involvement is very common in Pakistani marriages. As it has become a tradition for everyone to come up with advice for the newly wed to get in touch with the latest going on. Some people take an extra step ahead and start putting negative thoughts against the better half. Most of the fighting between a husband and a wife can take place because somebody says something. This is very damaging between a husband-and-wife relation and needs to be addressed very intelligently.
The outcome of such a situation largely depends on a spouses’ wisdom as to how well they handle the issue. Where the wife lives with the husband’s family, most likely the interference comes from there. A good idea is to leave home matters for the ladies to solve. However, one thing a husband can adopt as a thumb rule is never to fight his wife for a third person. Putting unnecessary weightage to his own kith and kin can bring differences between the spouses.
Another important point is for husband and wife themselves not to be a source of sharing each other’s secrets or even small talk that happens between them just to provide entertainment to the inquisitive people. A healthy relationship after marriage must be built on a foundation of privacy. Simply because maintaining your privacy means leading a private life.
7- Religious Card:
As Muslims there is more need that we learn and practice our religion ourselves before we advocate it to others. Same is true for the husband and wife. For spouses it’s better that instead of quoting ayahs and hadith regarding their own rights just focus on those which teach you your responsibilities. Doing the opposite will only bring emotional stress and embarrassment to the better half and bring about damage in the relationship.
Last but not the least is the point of respect that is a very important factor in building up a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, Hindu concept of in laws system still prevail in most people’s mindsets. Which not only deprives a daughter in law from many rights but such husbands also consider themselves superior to their wives and do not refrain from showing it from their behavior. Always remember, humiliation breeds low self-esteem and leads to creating distances between the spouses.
Being respectful applies to both of the spouses. Wife should also take care of a husband’s dignity in front of his family and friends and also treat her husband’s family with respect.
To sum up, maintaining a healthy companionship after marriage requires both partners to put forth effort and make compromises in order to uphold the principles of honesty, trust, respect, and open communication.
The relationship between a husband and wife is not only that of just consummating a social and religious obligation. It needs to be developed on a strong base that leads to feelings of love and respect for each other. And this only can be built ideally when both the parties make a combined effort for it to develop in the same way.
Try putting these advices into practice to see if it helped you and your partner have a healthy companionship after marriage.
Very well written .. totally agreed!