Around the world, there are two main types of marriages: love or self-choice marriages (Pasand ki shadi), where people choose their partners according to romance and personal feelings, and arranged marriages, where families, especially parents, help choose the partner. People often see love marriages as being about freedom and romance, while arranged marriages are seen as focusing on family and social connections.
In this blog, we’ll look at self-choice marriages ( Pasand ki shadi) and family-choice marriages, how personal choices influence them, and what makes both types special in their own way.
Self-Choice Marriages (Pasand Ki Shadi)
Self-choice marriages, love marriages or “pasand ki shadi,” are those where individuals select their own life partners. It’s all about finding someone who matches your vibe, interests, and personality. This approach emphasizes making your own choice and saying “yes” because you really want to, not because someone else is deciding for you.
1. Freedom and Independence
In self-choice marriages, people have the freedom to pick their partners. This shows a shift towards valuing personal choice and independence, where finding happiness and compatibility matters more than following traditional norms. It embraces modern values of freedom and personal decision-making, allowing people to marry someone they truly connect with.
2. Compatibility and Personal Connection
One big perk of self-choice marriages is that people focus on compatibility. When choosing a partner, they think about things like mutual interests, hobbies, values, and long-term goals. For example, if both partners love traveling, they can enjoy exploring new places together, which strengthens their bond. This kind of personal connection makes the relationship more harmonious because they know and support each other’s dreams and lifestyles.
3. Greater Relationship Satisfaction
One of the notable benefits of self-choice marriages is the potential for greater relationship satisfaction. When people choose their own partners, they often have a clearer sense of each other’s expectations, needs, and desires right from the beginning. This proactive approach helps build a deeper emotional connection and a stronger foundation for the relationship.
For example, consider two individuals who meet through mutual interests and devote time discussing their future goals before deciding to marry. By openly communicating their hopes, dreams, and values, they ensure they are on the same page. This understanding helps them go through challenges together and support each other’s aspirations. Which leads to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.
Family-Arranged Marriages
Family-chosen marriages are those where families play a significant role in selecting or approving the life partner for their children. This approach relies on tradition and focuses on a communal view of marriage. Here’s a closer look at the family-arranged marriage system:
1. Traditional Values and Family Involvement
Traditional marriages often involve active participation from family members in the matchmaking process. Families consider factors such as social status, family background, and cultural compatibility when arranging marriages. This system reflects traditional values where marriage is seen as a tie between families rather than just individuals.
4. Stability and Support
One major advantage of traditional marriages is the support system that families provide. The involvement of families can offer a sense of stability and reassurance. As families often have strong interest in the success of the union. Additionally, families may offer practical support and guidance during the marriage process.
For example, in a traditional marriage, families help with many things, like managing finances and giving advice. This support can be invaluable during challenging times. Such as when facing major life changes or dealing with conflicts. Having a broader support network helps couples feel more secure and can contribute to a more stable and resilient relationship.
3. Less Pressure on the Couple
In traditional marriages, finding a suitable partner often comes with pressure. Both the family and the individual participate in the decision-making process. This approach not only reduces the stress and anxiety of searching for a partner alone but also makes the process smoother and less overwhelming for the couple. The family’s involvement helps share the responsibility, making the experience more manageable and less daunting.
For example, in a family-chosen marriage, the families typically handle much of the initial matchmaking, such as screening potential partners and arranging meetings. This support allows the couple to focus on building their relationship without the additional pressure of the matchmaking process. It can result in a stress-free and comfortable experience as they get to know each other.
Pasand Ki Shadi in Islam
In Islam, marriage is a serious and holy contract. Pasand ki shadi in islam is permissible. Even Islam encourages it if certain conditions are met:
1. Consent of Both Parties
Both individuals must agree to the marriage. Islam does not permit forced marriages. Our religion supports personal choice in marriage.
2. Guardianship and Family Involvement
While personal choice is important, the family’s role, especially the guardian (often the father), is also important. The guardian’s approval helps ensure the marriage is responsible and aligns with Islamic values. If the guardian objects unreasonably, the couple can still proceed with the marriage.
3. Compatibility
Compatibility in terms of religion, character, and family background is important. Even when choosing partners personally, ensuring compatibility remains essential for a successful marriage. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, in the famous hadith:
“Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari (5090), Muslim (1466)
4. Ethical Boundaries
Romantic relationships must follow Islamic guidelines. Premarital relationships or anything inappropriate before marriage are not permissible.
Pasand ki shadi in Christianity
In Christianity, views on love or self-choice marriage and family-chosen marriage are not strictly clear in religious doctrine. It means they are flexible depending on culture and denomination. However, the Bible offers some guidance:
1. Love and Respect
Christian marriage is often seen as a union built on love, respect, and mutual commitment. Whereas many Christian denominations emphasize personal choice in selecting a spouse. In modern Christian practice, pasand ki shadi or self-choice marriages are common, and personal choice is an essential part of forming a strong and lasting union.
2. Family and Community Support
While family input is important, it is not necessary that the family chooses the partner. In fact, many Christian weddings feature a “blessing” from the family. Which indicates support for the couple’s decision, rather than the family making the decision themselves.
3. Biblical Teachings on Love
Verses like Ephesians 5:25, which advises husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, highlight the importance of love and emotional connection in marriage. This indicates that love and personal bond are essential elements of Christian marriages.
Pasand ki shadi in Hinduism
In Hinduism, family-chosen marriages have traditionally been the norm. However, love marriages or pasand ki shadi are increasingly common, particularly in modern urban settings:
1. Samskaras (Sacraments)
Marriage is one of the most important samskaras (sacraments) in Hindu life, traditionally involving family matchmaking. However, the concept of “Gandharva Vivah” in ancient texts refers to a marriage built on mutual attraction and love. It means love marriages have historical roots in Hindu tradition.
2. Personal Choice
In modern Hindu society, while family’s role remains prevalent in matchmaking. However, love marriages are gaining acceptance. Many families are now more accepting of their children, choosing their own partners, if they maintain certain cultural and religious compatibilities.
3. Role of Caste and Community
In Hindu marriages, factors like caste, family background, and community play a significant role. However, as times change, these factors become less rigid. The Hindu community now gives their youth more room for personal choice in marriage.
Pasand ki Shadi in Judaism
In Judaism, marriage is seen as a holy covenant, and both love marriages and traditional marriages are common:
1. Love and Choice
Jewish teachings focus on mutual love, respect, and personal choice in marriage. Many stories in Jewish texts, such as the story of Jacob and Rachel, highlight love as a foundational element of marriage.
2. Matchmaking Traditions
In traditional Jewish communities, matchmakers (shadchans) play a key role in arranging marriages, but the couple makes the final decision. They respect personal choice, and the couple’s consent is essential.
3. Family Involvement
In Jewish culture, families provide guidance rather than strict control. The success of the marriage relies on the couple’s happiness and compatibility.
Personal Choices and Their Influence on Marriage
The term “pasand ki shadi” (love marriage) is so common now that even young kids confidently say they will choose their own partner when they grow up. This change shows a growing focus on personal freedom and the right to choose one’s partner. Media often adds drama by portraying traditional marriages as obsolete or unfair, but this oversimplifies things. It shows “man pasand shadi” (love marriage) as a must, and in today’s youth, anyone who opposes it is often labeled as old-fashioned.
In both Pakistani and Indian media, self-choice marriages, cohabitation, relationships before marriage, and the boyfriend-girlfriend culture are shown so frequently that the younger generation is beginning to see them as normal.
It weighs so heavily on people’s minds that they don’t hesitate to visit amils for Pasand Ki Shadi Ka Wazifa. We also often see city walls full of banners and posters saying things like “21 Din Mein Pasand Ki Shadi” or “7 Din Mein Mehboob Aapke Qadmon Mein.” These dramatic promises tap into people’s desires for quick solutions. Also adding to the pressure and obsession surrounding love marriages today.
It is important to know that not all love marriages end happily. Some can face issues like compatibility problems or unrealistic expectations, which can result in divorce. On the flip side, many family-chosen marriages do well because of strong family support, joint cultural values, and a commitment to making the relationship work. These marriages often start with mutual respect and love that grows over time.
Ultimately, the success of any marriage, whether traditional and pasand ki shadi, comes down to the effort and understanding between the partners. It’s not about how the marriage was set but how well the couple communicates and works together to make their relationship last.
