When it comes to the selection of a life partner, parents play an important role, whether the setup is fully arranged or otherwise, unless they are outrightly against the marriage. Some parents would want the matter entirely in their own hands while others can be more broadminded and consider their child’s preference too.
Match making is done on different criterias. Some would prefer education, some would not want to marry their children out of castes, and some religious people look for a family that is inclined towards religion. It is also considered important that both the parties share an equal status financially too. Family marriages hold importance in our culture as they are considered a way of making family bondage strong. Whichever the criteria, the purpose is that the boy and the girl are mentally mature enough to start a practical life.
Underneath is discussed on what grounds choices are made in selecting a life partner, by parents or by the candidates themselves and a short analysis on the sequence of events that take place.
Matchmaking Preferences in Pakistan:
• Education:
Educated people have always prioritized their life partner on good Education. While the boy can have a good social standing in the society if he’s well educated, girls’ education is also considered important, now even more. ِIt has been seen that educated girls get quick rishta . Professional or educated daughter in laws are preferred as education brings refinement in a person’s personality. Unfortunately, the gol roti phenomenon also prevails where girl’s education only remains something to boast about.
There are some people who want educated and working ladies to add up to their income. While husband and wife can reach a mutual decision to manage the income if need be, some husbands or in-laws would exert their full right on the wife’s or daughter in law’s income which is totally unjust.
There are some people who want educated and working ladies to add up to their income. While husband and wife can reach a mutual decision to manage the income if need be, some husbands or in-laws would exert their full right on the wife’s or daughter in law’s income which is totally unjust.
• Religion:
Some religious people would want a match for their son or daughter with a religious background. Islam also advices Muslims to prefer religion over all other worldly things. Choosing a life partner on religious bases can prove tricky at times because there are many for whom religion means prayer and fasting and remain unaware of its true essence.
It’s not necessary that the one who performs religious rituals regularly is also fair in their dealings. There is a trend that when we see someone regular in their rituals, we start putting blind trust in them, the very reason some people can use religion to manipulate others. So be mindful. Judging someone on religious grounds can prove misleading if it is set as the “only” criteria.
The preference of a family that matches one’s religious status is good but effort should be made into knowing them as you would do to any other family you want to marry your son or daughter into.
• Marriage inside Family and Caste:
Although with growing awareness people’s mindsets have undergone a change regarding marrying in their families or casts only. But still some people will prefer one caste over the other or family over outsiders. Elder son preferably, or any of the sons should be married in the family idea also prevails. Whichever is the choice, girl’s and boy’s consent should be given importance too.
Ways of Finding a Match:
This life partner hunt is done in different ways. The ladies of the house are the active members. The tradition is that the girl’s home is visited by the boy’s family to see whether it could be a match. Apparently, it looks fine but if done in a respectful manner. Some typical male supremacy-oriented ladies also use this to demean the girl by examining her from top to bottom or show from their speech how kind they are to have offered their son’s hand in marriage. Some ladies can play with the girl’s or their family’s emotions to the extent that it becomes a way of having a tea party even when they are not serious about someone as a candidate for their son.
Such practices are however under the fire too every now and then because of growing awareness and we can also see a change coming through.
Online Rishta websites have also replaced this aunty search in a more respectful fashion. They work in a manner that can exclude such embarrassing situations and provide other reasonable ways to find the match on your favorite grounds without bringing embarrassment to any party. For example, having all the important information of the candidates along with the picture of the candidate offers a lot before you pop into someone’s home. Simple rishta has taken a step forward. They not only gather but authenticate that the information provided is true. At simple rishta they provide help throughout the whole process making communication easier and healthier between the two parties.
